Mental Eating Disorder!

I HATE being overweight!!!!!  Before all of you feed me the famous line, “You must not hate it that bad or you would do something about it!” just step back, I already beat you to it!  I know losing weight is a difficult task, more difficult for some than others.  But all that aside, I just HATE it at this moment, right NOW!!!!!!!  It is a mental thing for me.  Sure, there are limitations physically, but by far, the mental part is what drives me crazy the most!  Sometimes I think I have a mental eating disorder.  I don’t vomit and I don’t starve myself anymore, but sometimes the constant ranting in my head drives me absolutely crazy!  Obsessive thought, every hour on the hour sometimes.  Really, there are better things, and definitely more productive things to think about. For the most part I try to have a grateful heart, but today I HATE being fat!!!!!!!  I am not comfortable in my own skin…..wish I could be.  So, what will I do today to put off these thoughts, these feelings?  I’ll pray, take my thoughts captive, then take me fat ass to the gym.

Bullying

So, I have noticed there is a lot of buzz right now in the media about bullying?  I guess it is due in part to all the recent suicides of young gay men.  I am so bothered by this, yet I have a hard time relating to this issue.  I was never was really bullied in school (aside from a few bad moments in Jr. High).  I wasn't the most popular in school, yet I attended a large school and I had my social group that I belong to so I never felt isolated or alone.  I really enjoyed my school years and my friends.  I am so DISTURBED by how aggressive and mean kids are these days.  I would really like to here from y'all on this one.  Please post to this blog if you were bullied or you were the bully.  How did you get through it.  What advice can you give those who now on either side of the bullying issue?  PLEASE SHARE YOUR STORY!

A Day At The Fair

We had a wonderful day at the State Fair of Texas.  The weather alone was glorious!  Once inside the park, the smell of cotton candy and salt water taffy fill the air.  Can’t help but take a deep breath in and exhale with a smile on my face.  We enter at the back, so immediately we are greeted by the sounds of the midway: screaming thrill seekers, the blaring music they play at each ride, and the voice of the carnies beckoning you to try your luck at their booth where everyone is a winner!  Even though we entered at the back of the park, we are on a mission to the front of the park.  Fletcher’s, enough said.

Despite all the temptations along the way, we can not be deterred.  Every year, it is the same.  We do not eat anything for breakfast, knowing the reward that awaits us.  A Fletcher’s corn dog upon arrival, to start off a perfect day for our taste buds.  Although, there will be many tasty treats to try, the Fletcher’s corn dog is the staple of our food foundation for the day!  Our group including, Bryan, Caleb, Toby and myself consumed the following: 6 corndogs, 2 slices of pizza, 1 Greek gyro, 1 the “works” large nachos, 1 funnel cake, 1 giant cinnamon roll, 1 chocolate covered turtle cheesecake, 1 nutty ice-cream bar, 1 bag of Carmel popcorn, 1 Carmel apple, 1 box of taffy, 2 Dr. Peppers, 4 waters, 1 lemonade, 1 bottle of milk and 2 root beers.  Despite the enormous amount of food consumed, we did manage to catch a few of the shows.

We spent a good amount of time at the car show.  The boys really enjoy this show.  I had to pull them away after a 2 hour tour and many pictures of dream cars.  We made our way to the bird show, my personal favorite.  Even though this show stays the same year after year, I always enjoy seeing those amazing birds soar.  We ended our day with the USMC Drum and Bugle.  It was amazing!  They put on a wonderful show and also took time to recognize members of the armed service in the audience.  It was very touching.

As we headed to the car, I took a moment to be grateful for another year of tradition continued.  Despite my upset tummy and tired feet, I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.  A beautiful day, spent with those I love the most.  Sometimes it is the simple things in life that mean the most.  Take a moment today to enjoy those that God has put in your life. 

Falling Leaves

Falling Leaves

Looking out my kitchen window this morning, I noticed falling leaves.  I instinctively smile.  I love the fall.  Okay, people I know it is still 90 degrees and humid as the tropics outside, but fall is coming.  Texas is not known for its distinguishable seasons, yet I enjoy the few weeks of fall we are given.  It may seem odd, but out of all the seasons, fall is my favorite.  What is it about this short season that makes me smile?

The most obvious is all the wonderful sporting events!  Playoffs for baseball.  Football is just two or three games into the season and everyone is still hopeful for their team.  (I know Cowboy fans; this year isn’t offering much to hope for!)  Pre-season hockey, bring on the blood!  (Man, I love hockey!) Basketball is coming too!  After a long summer of a sport’s drought, fall brings us some much needed rain!

Then there are the community events: The State Fair of Texas (haven’t missed a year in 15 years, it’s a family tradition in the Chadwick home), local fall festivals, and of course pee-wee football!  I love watching Caleb and the boys he has grown up with playing sports, hit the field!  I look forward to wearing my Eagle gear and supporting my boys!  But what about the more subtle things?

The way the air smells.  Caleb and I walked out of the house last year on the first really crisp day of fall and Caleb said, “Mom, do you smell that?  It smells like fall.”  I immediately knew exactly what he was talking about.  That smell of fireplaces burning (our rule is if it is below 70 outside the fireplace can burn), and the smell of crisp air with a northerly breeze. 

Oh, and let’s not forget the foods of fall.  Chili beans, chili pie, chili and cornbread, do you get the picture we love chili!  All the wonderful soups and homemade desserts.  Finally, a desire to cook returns; could it be that you have no fear to turn on your oven because no longer do you worry it will heat the house up more than the 80 degrees it already is, because your air condition unit cannot keep up with the 25 consecutive days of temperatures over 100 degrees!!! (Excuse the brief rant.) 

Good things have happened to me in the fall.  I met Bryan, my husband, in the fall.  I gave birth to my son, Caleb in the fall.  Bryan and Caleb are so precious to me.  I really do consider them gifts from God, given to me to make up for all the really crappy things in life before them.  Some may know my story, some may not.  Another day.  But, trust me when I say they are a blessing! 

So to wrap things up, I will leave you with this thought:  Often, people think of spring as the season of newness and that offers hope.  Yet, consider the falling leaves of the trees.  In the fall the trees begin to shed the leaves from the seasons before.  The trees stand naked, free of the past season ready to dawn what’s to come in the future.  Maybe, that is how I feel in the fall.  I get to shed past failures, missed opportunities, unmet expectations, and look forward to a new set of hope and dreams. Or, maybe it is much simpler than that; I just like to watch falling leaves….

It's a Grace Thing!

Notice the title of my blog.  For me, grace is what life is all about.  The grace that God gave us, the grace others give us, and the grace we give ourselves.  Sometimes that last grace can trip me up.  I find it much easier to show others forgiveness and grace, yet the task becomes a much grander effort when it comes to cutting myself a break.  I have very little tolerance for failure in my own life. 

Yet, most of my failures are so visible to myself and others.  Okay, so before I a get a million texts and emails telling me all the good I do and how much I have touched your lives, take a moment to hear me.  I know God's Grace has worked through me and I have experienced a whole lot of healing in some very deep places and in return have touched others as well.  God is good without a doubt.  Yet, that doesn't mean I still don't feel a lack in certain areas of my life. I still hurt in some deep places.  (Keeping it real here.)  I will use this blog as an outlet to express my feeling and I welcome your feedback.  I will not always agree with you, however, I will always make an attempt to understand you. 

We all need to be heard.  To be heard, I must speak (write). Hear me family, friends, and all who care to hear.  We must stop this cycle of auto pilot we have been on and take time to think. 

Carmen