Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Bullying
So, I have noticed there is a lot of buzz right now in the media about bullying? I guess it is due in part to all the recent suicides of young gay men. I am so bothered by this, yet I have a hard time relating to this issue. I was never was really bullied in school (aside from a few bad moments in Jr. High). I wasn't the most popular in school, yet I attended a large school and I had my social group that I belong to so I never felt isolated or alone. I really enjoyed my school years and my friends. I am so DISTURBED by how aggressive and mean kids are these days. I would really like to here from y'all on this one. Please post to this blog if you were bullied or you were the bully. How did you get through it. What advice can you give those who now on either side of the bullying issue? PLEASE SHARE YOUR STORY!
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I was bullied in Jr. High and High School. I think it was partly because I was a quiet weird kid who just wanted to be left alone so I could read. It was a very small school so there weren't that many groups to "join." There were the in-crowd kids and the outsiders. I think it helps to have a bigger school. I did develop some close friendships with other "outsiders" that are still alive today, however.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that kids are just aggressive and mean THESE days. I think they always have been but it gets more attention now. I get the feeling that parents and teachers used to just kind of waive it off and mutter, "Kids will be kids." I think that now people are starting to realize some of the life-long scars that these experiences can leave on people.
Part of the problem is that teens and young people who are going through this don't have perspective. This is the only life they can imagine right now. If they have no hope of anything ever changing or any escape, I can see why suicide seems like a good solution.
My advice to someone being bullied would be to realize that these ARE NOT the best days of your life and they are short. It seems tough right now but in the grand scheme of things high school is nothing more than a blink. From someone who has lived through it, there are a lot of things that I have learned (like compassion, empathy and fortitude, for instance) from being bullied in high school that I would not trade for a pleasant 4 years in my past. One of my "outsider friends" (who was a young gay man) recently told me that being bullied only pushed him to succeed even more and that he probably wouldn't be where he is without it.
Dianne, thanks so much for sharing, what must be a painful part of your past. I am so sorry this was your high school experience. I really appreciate what you said about perspective. When I reflect back over the course of my life, what happened in high school yields such little significance in how my life is today. We must help kids find away to have hope for a future. Maybe if you are being bullied it is not so good to live in the moment.
ReplyDeleteI was not bullied but we have experienced this issue this past year with Brianna. I think people still see bullying as a physical act from days past. It has gotten more verbal and emotional through all the 24 hour use of technology so it reaches more people.
ReplyDeleteThe reason Brianna is being home schooled this year is a result of the bullying she went through last year which I saw first hand as a teacher at her school. It is heartbreaking and unbelievably is still happening at the middles school she was supposed to have gone to...and she isn't even there to defend herself!!!
I know "they" say that kids who bully are hurting inside themselves so they bully to feel better about themselves and I think there is some truth to this but on the whole I think it goes much deeper. It amazes me how mean people can be!
~Dee Ann
Dee Ann,
ReplyDeleteIt breaks my heart to hear that your little girl had to suffer being bullied. It is really ashame that she cannot even be afforded the same opportunity to be educated because of it. Did the school have any policy in place?
I think it's a misconception that bullies have low self esteem etc. Recent research is saying that's not necessarily true. I think bullies are the result of 1)getting away with it and 2) realizing how powerful it makes them feel. I think that kind of powerful feeling gets addictive when that behavior doesn't get nipped in the bud.
ReplyDeleteDianne, you do raise a good point here. How much is learned behavior (they have felt powerless in other areas of life, so they seek power over others)? Or, are they addicted to the power? Good Question.
ReplyDeleteI was never bullied so I guess I was lucky. I think the problem with the kids of today is not the teachers overlooking anything but the parents not parenting. A lot of our kids parents do not give a heck what their kids do at home or at school. We just finished a seminar on all of this and I really think if the students spent as much time trying to learn, we would see a big turn around.
ReplyDeleteI think you are saying that if the students were engaged in thought provoking material and learning, then bullying wouldn't go on. Is that basically your point?
ReplyDeleteCarm,, great topic! I was never bullied, and was always told by my dad that if I ever did, he would, and I quote, "beat my ass til i passed out"!! There is no place for this kind of behavior and I believe the cause of this, as well as other problems with today's youth, is that somewhere along the way, people stopped disciplining their kids!! Why do people not hand out spankings any more?? It makes me sick to see the way some kids act these days and it's because they have nothing to fear. The fear of a spanking kept me and my friends out of ALOT of trouble when I was growing up!! YES,, my parents spanked me!! YES, it hurt!! YES,, i am still alive and currently without a police record!! YES,, I learned a VALUABLE lesson from each and every spanking!! And YES,, my dad is, and always has been my best friend even during the spankings!!
ReplyDeleteZack,
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for the feedback! I agree with you, I do think discipline is a lost art these days. Bryan and I also have used spankings in the past to correct Caleb and they work. I love what you say about your Dad being your best friend. There is the balance. Discipline with out love just breeds rebellion, yet done with the best interest for the child it breeds greatness!
Bryan has taken the same approach with Caleb in regards to being bullied that your dad took with you. And I must say, it has been effective for Caleb. He has been put to the test and came out on top.
I was made fun of, but it never got to the point where I felt threatened. I hated it though. The school I am working at talked about bullying during staff development. What we were told was that bullies are more likely to pick students who don't have any friends so the district has incorporated a program called R-Time where the students are paired up and the teachers lead the class through a guided discussion where the paired students talk about a certain topic and are respectful to one another. The thought is that students would get to know one another better and hopefully become friends. I don't know how the program is going so far, but I will let you know if I hear any feedback whether positive or negative.
ReplyDelete